RWBY Terminatus: Carolus's Tales of Awesomeness
by Commander Indrick Boreale
Summary: FROM THAT ONE GUY WHO BROUGHT YOU THAT CRAPPY FIC YOU ALL KNOW AND LOVE/HATE, COMES A NEW STORY! A Whole mess of Crack fiction I want to write with my character in the RWBY universe, drawing inspiration from and/or ripping off funny crap I find on the Internet that I'll make a version of with my character. Expect very little serious here.


**THIS IS A NON-CANNON SUB-STORY OF A NON-CANNON CROSSOVER!**

 **HELLO, friends! This crack story is essentially what I'll be posting crap on that's only related to Carolus and is essentially ripoffs of random crap I find, being Abridged series, Comics, all that nice stuff that I find online and wanna make my own version of!**

 **These Ripoff tales will mostly be Comedic, Random, but all tie into a single plot that's completely unrelated to the original RWBY Terminatus story of mine. Here, team RWBY has yet to fight dat sexy mech, so this you can say fills in a bit of that 3-4 month time skip if you want.**

 **Now, I believe that sums it up, Like I said, this is just a cheap ripoff of something I thought funny online, and I will post what that is at the end of the chapter...**

 **Leave a Review, Follow, or Favorite or whatever you fancy so that i don't completely forget this story like I have before, it REALLY helps me out in returning to the Story.**

 **Disclaimer: Own These Franchises, I do Not. Sue Me, Please do Not.**

* * *

It was a cool day at Beacon. The air was crisp and there lingered the smell of rain on the wind. Ruby had finished her daily training and ran off with her team to do some stuff. JNPR has ran off to do some stuff, and CFVY was chillaxing in their room like ballas. Unfortunately, there was one individual that wasn't having the best of days...

Said individual, was Carolus Vhemias.

It's not that today was a _bad_ day per-say, more that it was an irritable day. To start it off, his suit was out of power, so they were currently making a charger for it, followed by _Deathsong_ deciding to jam in the middle of training. Most prominently, he was bored.

Now, normally if he were bored, he'd train some more with his brothers, but here, his brothers were not here. It was just him and his weapons on this strange new world, alongside some strange new people, with some strange new stuff.

So that about leads to now. Carolus was in his chambers, sitting in the chair he'd been given, with feet propped up on the desk. Light illuminated the room barely, and most of the room was still dark. He was about ready to doze off when suddenly he got a knock at his door...

"Come in." He said in a uninterested tone. The doors opened quietly to reveal the Butler Ozpin had granted him. The butler, an ex huntsman named Jared walked up to him briskly and looked Carolus dead in the eyes...

"Did you know you have vacation days?" Jared said briskly.

"I HAVE VACATION DAYS?!. You mean I could go any time I want and NOT get yelled at by Glynda over the scroll?! I mean, seriously, it's ALWAYS over the scroll! Also I don't like arguing with her in person. I get a boner, it's super awkward..." Carolus responded, wide eyed at the prospect of a day off.

"Quiet." Jared responded in an unamused tone.

* * *

 ** _Earlier..._**

"So That's where they're hiding." Glynda Goodwitch spoke with an interested tone...

"Vacuo? Interesting... But do you think Carolus will go?" Jared spoke in a curious voice.

"Not as long as it's an Order, no." She ended with a sigh. A few seconds passed, and Jared leaned down, and spoke in a voice that could only promise a sly plan...

"I think I may have an Idea, Miss Goodwitch."

* * *

"Well, that settles it, I'm going traveling!"

"Yes, you can go wherever you want. Except Vacuo. Miss Goodwitch was quite insistent that you NEVER visit Vacuo."

Of late, Glynda had been sending him on important missions that went unheard by the public, and whenever something hit the fan, and it was found on the news, or his post-mission report was totally ridiculous, she'd end up yelling at him over the scroll, and he'd defend his actions. From his last mission report, he'd showed up to a broken village, killed all the white fang terrorists that took it over, and saved a, as he put it, big busted sniper chick, as his new apprentice when not at Beacon. And to top that off, he decided it would be a good idea to give her an anti-tank gun.

After a few seconds of dull silence, Carolus spoke up again...

"Taking the sniper girl and my bodyguard!"

* * *

Carolus sat back in the Headmaster's private jet with his hair done back and grinning in a black and dark red suit tailored to him. In front of him sat the bodyguard gifted to him as well by Ozpin. His bodyguard was a young, Minstrali mercenary who wore black ACUs and a ballistic vest as well. He held with him a newspaper and was just generally skimming through it. Carolus kicked back with a glass of wine in hand, and his sunglasses specially made for him drawn over his eyes...

His bodyguard (whom Carolus hadn't bothered to learn his name) lowered his magazine to try to break the silence between the two of them only previously broken by the music on the plane, who Carolus could vaguely recognize as a pop artist named "Pitt of Bull" or something...

"So... where is the sniper girl?" He asked. Carolus just sipped his wine and responded.

"Oh, you know, just downstairs."

He gave it a moment, then responded his question...

"Isn't that the... Cargo hold..?"

* * *

 _Downstairs..._

In the middle of the cargo hold laid a chest strapped down to the floor, with the Blood Ravens insignia stamped in the middle. Muffled yelling could be heard from within...

" **I HAVE A FEAR OF FLYING BOXES AND TIGHT PLACES!"**

* * *

Finally landing in Vacuo, they began to walk towards the hotel he'd heard about. Along their wall they saw several things, some towers, the sea, but what mainly drew Carolus's attention was the large statue of a figure with its arms spread out wide. Carolus recognizes the statue, and the figure it was of, he couldn't help himself, he wanted to do this for such a long time. Cupping his hands to his mouth, he shouted loud enough to hear across the entire city...

 ** _"OUM WANTS A HUG!"_**

* * *

The hotel was about as ornate as you'd expect from a Vacation Resort Hotel, and outside it held a pool, tennis area, some other stuff, and the place where people parked. Walking in, Carolus checked himself and the Sniper Girl in, and the man at the counter reached back and pulled a key off the racks...

"There you are, Sir!" The man said enthusiastically, "A regular 2 bedroom!"

"Hahah! Hilarious," Carolus boomed. "No, I want the penthouse." His tone suddenly turned serious...

"I'm sorry, sir... but Jacques Schnee already has that room reserved." Carolus stepped up to him and began to spoke...

"I said..." Carlous put his finger real close to his face, utilizing the light Psykic ability he had to dominate this weak mind. "You want to give me the Penthouse..."

"I want to give you the Penthouse." The man spoke in a submissive voice.

"And you want to kick out Jacques Schnee because he is an Asshole..."

"And I want to Kick out Jacques Schnee because he is an asshole."

Booming with laughter, he turned to his bodyguard...

"See this, Minsti? I can Make him say anything!"

Clearing his throat again, he began to continue...

"Watch, The Emoji Movie was Amazing." He said with an evil tone.

"The Emoji Movie was Amazing!" the dominated man said enthusiastically.

"He believes it too!"

The bodyguard could only give off an "Eugh!" in distaste and disapproval...

* * *

The penthouse was rather grand, and was large enough for Carolus to feel at home. As he walked in, he turned back to his body guard, whom was leaving to sleep at a small apartment he had rented for himself...

"So, Not trying to sound weird or anything, but would you like to get a drink later? Hit up a club?" The Merc asked. Carolus took on a unimpressed tone.

"You're not my friend, you're my bodyguard. Make it past two weeks and I might learn your name, until then, you're spare blood." he finished nonchalantly.

"Alright! geez, fine!" his merc said, walking off...

"Oh and tell that faunas to stop spying on me, it's super awkward!" Carolus yelled, and said faunas quickly retreated back behind the pillar again. His bodyguard sighed and walked off.

Grinning, he closed the door and walking to the center of the room...

"Now that I'm all by myself, I can just kick back and Reeeela-"

* * *

 _"Shots fired from the penthouse at the golden sands hotel! Police Records have shown two pictures of the suspect, one Vale woman, and some Dusty Dustbourne looking mother-"_

"The Scroll, the Scroll! Get him on the scroll RIGHT NOW!" Glynda screamed at Jared, who quickly dialed up Carolus's number...

Finally reaching him, He answered how he usually answers Glynda...

 _"Yello'"_

"What. Happened." She seethed...

 _"Alright... But you Can't get mad at me."_

"Speak."

 _"Okay, first... I was minding my own business-"_

"Grimm Crap!"

 _"I waaas!"_ he responded in an almost whiny manner...

"And what happened while you were 'Minding your own Business'." Glynda said the last part in a disbelieving tone.

 _"So I was just chillaxin' in my room like a Balla, when suddenly these Shlubs kicked in my door and were all like-"_

* * *

 **"Get On your knees!"**

* * *

 _"And I responded with-"_

* * *

 **"I knocked your Mother last Night!"**

* * *

 _"... and they took exception to that."_

* * *

The police start riddling Carolus's position with a massive storm of bullets, Carolus swated the bullets off and they exploded against his hands, creating a smoke screen, and making the police believe he was dead...

* * *

 _"Buuuut You know how that song-and-dance goes."_

* * *

Carolus roars through the smoke and rushes towards the officers, tearing them to shreds with his bare hands...

* * *

 _"aaaaand I killed all but one of them."_

"What happened to the last one?"

* * *

The last standing police officer pulls his gun up to his head, and shoots, killing himself instantly...

* * *

 _"Puss'd out like a Bi-"_

"Ah-bap-bap. Language."

 _"Yes, MOM!"_

 _"But Silver lining? I can cancel my room-service!"_

* * *

Down near the entrance of the hotel was a storm of spectators, news reporters, and more police officers. Off to the side there was a small tent, housing the police chiefs. Inside there was only a few, maybe 8 at best, but most notable was the faunas whom was not among them...

"So, we've sent like 8 guys up there, and we haven't heard back..."

"My friend, don't worry about it! Everything is _Fine_!" the faunas responded to the police chief...

"Well... No matter what we're still gonna get our Grimm immunity, right?"

"Haha! My friend, do I look like the kind of guy who'd deceive you?" He paused for a moment, then continued...

"Also, you may want to send more men..."

"Well that sure sounds reasonable." the police officer replied...

* * *

Up on Carolus's floor, he stood, eating the brains of the officers to see if any of them held any useful information. He continued chewing, and spoke back through the scroll on speaker...

 _"So... you've been quiet for like -Swallows- five minutes... Oh! I know why you're Angry! -bites again- it's because I went to Vacuo, isn't it?"_

"Carolus... Put the Sniper Girl on the scroll, please."

 _"Y-you want? a-ah, O-okay! Sure!"_

In the background, they heard some more talking...

 _'Hey, Goodwitch wants to talk to you.'_

 _'why does she wanna-'_

 _'I dunno! I'm..._

 _"H-hello?"_

"Sniper, No matter what you do, do NOT let Carolus Leave that room, Under Any Circum-"

 _"A-actually he just left. He said he was going for a stroll?"_

 **"NO!"** Goodwitch screamed, waking up the entire academy in the process...

* * *

Carolus waltzed down the halls, his lighter hunter attire adorned and a bolt pistol in each hand. rounding a corner, he passed a group of Police officers who silently watched him with wide eyes, stunned for a moment. He decided to break them out of their trance-like state...

"Hey guys! How's your health plan?" In response the officers screamed and started firing wildly at him, he just dashed forward, avoiding bullets as he sprinted...

"Apparently it's GREAT!" he yelled as he began cutting them down in rapid succession...

* * *

"Jared... Please tell me..."

* * *

Carolus waltzed forward into an elevator filled with officers trying to flee him with a sadistic grin...

* * *

"How much are we looking at in... collateral damage?" She asked with a worried tone...

"Well, Miss Goodwitch...

* * *

Carolus stepped out of the elevator, now filled with slumped and dead bodies...

* * *

"The Carolean amount..." Jared said, and Glynda involuntarily shuddered from the thought of all the damage fees...

* * *

The Glass doors shattered as Carolus swept his arms in a wide arch, sending the officers reeling through them, and impaling them on the flagpoles outside. Spectators and news reporters screamed and Police backed up in horror. Carolus stepped outside and looked at the display of death he delivered with admiration for his own work. He had good aim.

"I have to say..." a Faunas in a brown suit and fedora stepped out in front of the officers. "You made far grander an entrance than I anticipated!" He finished in a jovial tone.

"Hold on a minute... Did you put all this on? Who are you?" Carolus inquired...

"I am Marcus Vadeyia, or, The Jackman... I may or may not have fed a lie to the local police chiefs that in return for your capture, I'd grant them immunity to the Grimm."

"And you're telling me they Bought that?!" Carolus responded, already cackling...

"Like Discount Fish in Menagerie!" He boomed, laughing.

"Y-you Cheeky Dickwaffle!" Carolus roared whilst cackling mad with his own laughter. "So, What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing much. I wish to play a card game, friend!"

"Oh, like 52-pickup?"

"No... More like 52-cutup!" He yelled, and sent a deck of cards flying at Carolus, who jumped away just in time as they exploded around where he once was...

"You Missed!" Carolus laughed, landing in front of a bunch of spectators. Jackman threw another card, and Carolus leapt away again, leaving the card to explode amongst a horde of spectators...

* * *

"Oh, Come on! Why are they Doing this OUTSIDE?!." Glynda yelled as she watched the footage on the television...

* * *

Carolus lands, and rolls away, as another card impacts and destroys a squad car...

* * *

"Well at least he's just dodging..." Glynda sighed...

* * *

Carolus broke from his roll and pulled out his bolt pistol, and began firing off rounds toward the Jackman. The Jackman nimbly spun around the bullets, and each found their mark in an unaware officer...

* * *

"OH, THAT WAS ON PURPOSE!" a now belligerent headmistress roared, yet again waking the entirety of the academy for the second time...

* * *

Sprinting down the street, Carolus popped off shots at his foe, as they went faster than any car. Finally, he hit the Jackman in the throat, causing him to stop, and for blood to spurt from his throat for a second, before he finally started dissipating into a bunch of cards...

"So... He can make Card doubles..." He mused, before being thrown to where he'd shot down the card-clone by an explosion behind him. where he once stood, the Jackman stood now with a wide grin...

"You activated my Trap card!" he golated, and snapped his fingers. Cards appeared around Carolus, and Shot down...

"Oh Boy!" He yelled, and the cards impacted, creating a large explosion. Jackman grinned and then was hit in the back of the head with a brick. rubbing his head, he looked back and heard Carolus yell...

"Hey Jacky-Blacky!" Jackman looked up... "You Missed! Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!-" He yelled enthusiastically as he ran up the side of a building...

* * *

Back at the tent, The chiefs talked among themselves...

"Do you really think Jackman can take him?" one asked curiously...

"Calm down, I'm sure he's fine. I'm just wondering what I'll do with my Grimm Immunity!"

"Hah! Jokes on you, I'm getting Double Grimm Immunity!" He said, but fell over as a bullet buried itself in his face. The other turned around only to see a man wearing a gas mask point a silenced pistol at him and pull the trigger, ending him in an instant. Three more began backing up against a corner, and all found their heads shot. One stood petrified in the middle and was also shot. Two tried to run towards him from the opposite corner and were shot dead as well. Humming a tune to himself, he walked out of the tent and dropped the mask, lighting a cigarette and shooting back at the fuse he'd set. Walking forward a bit, he stopped as the Explosion roared behind him, setting a small area around the tent on fire as well. Blowing out the smoke , he looked up towards where the combat was...

"Wonder If he still wants that drink?"

* * *

"Mrmph... Could really use a drink right now! Not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore!" Carolus said as he stood in a large pool of his own blood.

"Man had Magic Cards... And Magic hands..."

"Tell me, Carolus..." Jackman said, "Are you a daring man?"

"I believe that's your shtick."

"Let's make a little bet, Marine, I'll end your life, With one Hand!"

Grinning, Carolus stood upright and roared. "I'll take that Bet! Now, Hit me with your best shot!" Carolus roared, and took a wide stance. The Jackman responded by throwing 3 cards his way, and he pushed them aside him with his aura, making them explode along their path...

"Oh, Shame for You!" Carolus said. "You Activated MY Trap Card..." As if on cue, a storm of bullets flew out over some rubble, revealing the Sniper girl shooting wildly at the Jackman, him barely blocking each bullet with a card...

"GET SOME!" She roared as she fired her rifle with one hand. Getting bored of him blocking, she dropped her gun and whipped out her anti-tank rifle...

"Drop This!" She yelled, as she fired. The Bullet close to finding home, he threw a card and split the bullet in half, dropping the two halves beside him...

"I'm Getting Really Tired of all this Crap!" he yelled, in the smoke preparing another card, when he heard a voice behind him...

"So Am I!" Carolus boomed. The Jackman spun around, only to have his arm gripped as he spun, and his Wrist crushed to a bloody pulp in Carolus's hand. Throwing up his other arm, Carolus formed a straight hand, and threw his arm back, poised to strike...

"Now, SHOW ME YOUR HAND! JAAACCCKKKMAAAAAN!" Carolus roared, sending his hand crashing down. Jackman roared, and with Card in hand, shot up toward's Carolus's own hand. The two met in an epic fashion, as wind rippled from the awesome force of two epic weapons, Carolus's hand and the magic card, collided. Ultimately, The Magic Card failed, and tore in half, However, Carolus's attack was not finished there, as he split the Jackman's hand and wrist in half. Blood spurt everywhere as the Jackman screamed in pain as his arm was split in twain, and threw his head back. within a second, Carolus's hand gripped his face, and brought him back. Placing both hands on his face, he brought the Jackman really close...

"Hey Jackman?"

"Uuugh?" he moaned out, unable to words from the pain...

"You Lost."

"Uuurgh..."

"And now I have to read your Mind..."

"Urgh?"

"By Eating your Brain!"

"Urgh! Urgh! UUURGH!" he tried to scream, as Carolus opened his mouth and lunged in for a bite.

"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" He roared, and he bit in, chewing into the soft grey matter, his omophangea gland hard at work. Instantly, he was assailed with some weird stuff...

 _The Hell is This?_ He thought as he saw shapes and animals and cities and people shift their forms and shapes at random, spiraling in an odd hellscape and going down the throat of a giant monkey that morphed into a pink and yellow airplane.

 _The Hell is That?!_ He wondered as A green gorilla shifted into a Helicopter and flew into a green Lion's ear.

 _THE HELL ARE THOSE?!_ The vision continually got weirder and weirder, until finally, it reached a TV screen, a shadowed figure with the Fazi's banner behind him.

He Laughed, dropping the corpse. He laughed and clapped his hands as a dark shadow cloaked half his face in darkness...

"M-master?" the Sniper Girl began...

"Hold on, I need to Post about this!"

* * *

Browsing through Dustbook, she clicked on Carolus's page, revealing his newest post. simply reading out:  
"IT'S FAZIS"

Sighing, she put her scroll down and ran a hand through her hair...

"Miss Goodwitch? Is something wrong?"

Growling, she slammed her fist down on the desk. "It's The Damn!-"

* * *

"FAZIS!" The Faunas major said in their super-secret base of operations.

"Oh, Major! I am so sorry for the failure of the Jack Man!"

"Ah, it is no worry, Doctor! He was a Vacuan DOG who died feeding a bigger beast!"

"But Major..." The Faunas Doctor sounded worried, "Now that they know our plans..."

"Ah, but that IS The plan! Now that they know our Plan, We shall plan around the plan that they are forming around Our Plan!" The Major finished enthusiastically. The Doctor beamed a smile towards the screens...

"Your brilliance surely knows no bounds!" The Doctor wept in admiration.

"Besides, we have one advantage that they sorely lack..." The elevator-command center reached the top of where they were headed...

"ZEPPELINS!" the major shouted full of anticipation. And true to his word, a massive blimp the size of four atlesian flagships rose from behind him. Brimming with guns, and rockets, and troop transports. They thought themselves ready for war...

* * *

 **Ripped off from: Hellsing ULTIMATE Abridged Episode 3**


End file.
